Comfort, Joy & Mindless Eating

IMG_1607Thanksgiving arrived early this year, and with it began the season of gift-giving and of holiday celebrations.  It is a time of joy, a time to gather together with loved ones, a time to share the warmth of love and laughter.

Yet for many, this is a time of excess:  too much food, too much wine, too many parties, too many obligations, too much money spent.  And so I wonder, is there some way that we can bring more peace and balance into what should be a time of light and love?

Let’s begin with those holiday parties.  Wonderful food, holiday cocktails, a time to celebrate… yet many of us either fret away the evening trying not to ruin our diets, or, instead, indulge and indulge and indulge… and regret it the next day.

Instead of this all-or-nothing approach, try to find a place of balance between enjoying the moment, and feeling good the next day.  According to Mindless Eating: Why We Eat More Than We Think by Brian Wansink (one of my all-time favorite books about how and why we eat), we eat what we do because of hidden influencers:  the size of our plates, the atmosphere, the music playing, the company.  We cannot control (or completely ignore) all of these things, so the best thing to do is to fight fire with fire:  use your own tricks and tips to enjoy the holidays while protecting yourself from over-indulging.  Here are a few ideas:

1.  Make it a game.  Ask yourself–what can I do to slow down how fast I eat?  Perhaps serve yourself less than normal, and leave the leftovers in the other room so they aren’t as tempting.  Can I delay that snack I want?  Perhaps have a glass of water and see if you still feel hungry in 15 minutes.  Do I need the hamburger with cheese, bacon and avocado, or would I be just as happy with only the avocado?  Find clever ways to cut out a few calories here and there, without ever depriving yourself completely.

2.  Be patient.  Losing (or gaining) weight takes much less drastic measures than most of us believe.  The difference of a few bites can make a big difference when done daily.  Read Mindless Eating or The Four-Day Win: End Your Diet War and Achieve Thinner Peace by Martha Beck to learn more.

3.  Increase your joy.  Not only from food, but from everywhere.  That holiday party shouldn’t be about only the crab cakes and wine; it should be about the company.  Enjoy your friends, enjoy the music and the conversation, and don’t become too fixed on what you are or aren’t eating.

4.  Stay balanced.  When you get too hungry or too tired, of course your choices won’t be as good.  So take care of yourself.  Get enough rest, drink plenty of water and eat well.

5.  Create your own tricks.  Find what works and pass on what doesn’t.  I like to share meals or order appetizers; I use small plates, bowls and glasses (another Mindless Eating trick).  I try to eat slowly and take breaks so that I know when I’m full.  Doing these things allows me to enjoy everything I want, and still feel good later (and fit into my favorite jeans).

Wishing you joy, balance and all the pleasures of the season,

Jennifer

The Muses Are Singing

We are creators, born to create and to share our creations with others.  When we create, out of joy rather than desperation, we enter a state of grace.  We stand beside the Muses, alive to our gifts and the privilege of sharing those gifts with others.  We flow with the current of life, turning every precious moment into something transcendent and eternal.

We forget that we are creators only when we attempt to divorce art from our lives.  But art is not something separate from the everyday.  True art reaches us wherever we are, as naturally as air reaches our lungs.

Don’t hold your breath.  Let yourself create.  Slip into the realm of creation, the place of possibility.  Give life to your dreams, wherever and whenever you find them.  Let your life be a work of art–open to new interpretations, full of fire and passion.

The Muses are singing.  It is time to sing back.

Journey Into Stillness: Beginnings & Endings

It has been 40 days since the beginning of our journey into stillness.  Whether you sat beneath a bodhi tree, welcomed the dawn with a favorite mantra, or simply contemplated the idea of meditation, you are welcome here, at the place where one ending and a new beginning meet.

We are surrounded by endings and beginnings, some obvious, some not.  In a world that is constantly shifting, constantly changing, constantly evolving, it is important to mark the transitions, to notice when the gate swings open and we walk into a new life, a new day, or simply a new moment in time.

Breathe into the changes.  Find your sea legs; let yourself bend with the curves.  It is all a dance, and you were born to be a dancer.

Wherever you find yourself in your own journey to stillness, I hope it brings you joy and peace.  As for me, I will continue practicing the ways of stillness.  I will continue watching how one ending flows into a new beginning.  I will continue to fall deeper in love with the moments that hold me, and to share with you what I find along the way.

Namaste.

Lotus Flower

Pure beauty, floating serenely on water sparkling with light, does not begin its journey warm, cradled, safe.  No, its roots lie far below the surface, in the dark, cold mud of the earth.  Its seed lies dormant, often for many years.  One day it pushes up, through the mud, through the dark, and reaches the light above.  Only then does it bloom, full of beauty, a symbol of peace and enlightenment.

A lotus flower is not beautiful in spite of the mud, but because of it.  It is the earth that gives it the strength to journey towards the light.  We are the same–it is our past, our struggles, our darker experiences that teach us our abilities.  That send us on our journey toward love.  We learn to reach for the light, to express our beauty, only after we have traveled through times of darkness and uncertainty.

We do not always see our paths.  We do not see the evolving, unfinished design.  Yet the Designer does not fail us.  Trust.  Accept.  Practice faith.  Or don’t, and that will be part of the journey, too.

There will come a time, a time beyond time, when we will be one with ceaseless, passionate joy.  Until then, embrace the uncertainty.  Embrace the many-faceted experiences of your life, for none will ever come quite the same way again.  Love it all, even when love seems distant and cold.  It never is.

Choose Love

Our lives are given shape and meaning by those things on which we choose to put our attention.  We can seek the good, the beautiful, the things that bring us comfort and joy, or we can focus on what causes us pain, what frightens us, what makes us angry.

So often we think we should seek out pain, so that we will be better able to defend ourselves against it.  All that does is allow the pain to expand, to consume us, to drive our actions and encourage us to close our hearts.  It makes us worry; it makes us forget all that we love.  We create the very things we fear.  We all have a choice between love and fear; the trick is to remember to make a choice, rather than be blown about by a changing world.

There is a Native American legend about a wise elder who described the struggle this way:  “Within me, there are two dogs.  One is good; the other is mean and evil.  The evil dog is constantly attacking the good dog.”

“Which dog,” asked a child, “will win?”

After a moment’s reflection, the elder replied:  “The one I feed the most.”

So feed those parts of you that are patient, forgiving and kind.  Search for joy.  Be grateful for the sun on your skin, the rain on the earth, the wind in the trees.  Let yourself love.  Let yourself sing.  Remember how to dance.  Then watch your soul expand, and the world with it.

We Find What We Seek

The world we see conforms to our expectations, our hopes, our fears.  When our minds and hearts are open, everything is possible.  When we are determined to see what we expect to see, the world obliges us by fulfilling our demands.  Our fears are realized.  We prove ourselves right by finding the evidence we need.

Do we need to be right?  There is so much to explore, so much to discover.  There is so much we do not know.  Nothing is finished or perfect, including our understanding of the universe, of where we are from, of where we are going.  And that imperfect understanding means there is always more to discover, more to learn, more to be.

Endless joy.

Decide That What You Have Is What You Want

Peace and happiness can only be found where you are.  They don’t exist in the future or the past, because right here and now, neither of those places exist.  What you have to work with, what you have to create with, is this.  Wherever you are.  Whatever time it is.  Whatever mood you’re in, however you’re feeling.  This is it.  And one simple way to make whatever it is even better is to decide that what you have is what you want.

Not someday.  Not if only.  As it is.  Start by finding something good, even something small.  If you’re single, you have time and space for yourself.  If you’re stuck in a dead-end job, you have an income.  If you don’t feel well, you have a body that’s telling you to rest and nurture yourself.  If you have no idea where to go or what to do, well, then anything is possible and the adventure is about to begin.  Start small, and grow from there.  Start by pretending, if you need to.

You may find, to your surprise, that what you have actually is what you want.  When you stop judging yourself, stop looking to some imagined ideal of how life “should” look or how things “should” be, you may find that what you have is exactly the right life for the unique person you are.  Try to see things that way; question the truth of what you think you don’t want.  And then make the decision that will lead you back to peace.

The Only Way Out Is Through

To hold to our center through all the changes brought by tide or time.  To feel at ease in all places, with all people, with all parts of ourselves.  At what price comes such freedom?

There are no maps, and no reason to create one.  Create instead a song to dance to, that will serve as a reminder of light when the way seems dark.  Then weave the wind into starlight.

Every leaf and branch twirls with love for us.  Or is it our love for them, stirring the wind itself to life?  Which came first, and does it matter?  Is there any difference at all?  Love leads itself home, by any path presented to it.

We search for places the wind cannot go, not realizing that such places cannot exist, and that if they did they would be more hollow than graveyards.

The only way out is through.

What adventure will you follow today?  How will you journey?  Will you fall into yourself and let joy have you, or will you strive and strain and try?  Don’t.  Oh, please, don’t.  If you feel that you are alone in a dark room, it is only because you have closed your eyes.  Open them.

In the center of our lives there is a star, the light of love itself, our only true guide and always a gentle, patient one.  It does not rule or command us, but it goes where the way is darkest, the pain is deepest, to heal through the power of gentleness, teaching us to transform our lives and worlds with an open heart.

Into The Labyrinth

Ariadne was a princess of Crete, daughter of Minos, the king that created the labyrinth that housed the Minotaur.  There is a dark family history here–the Minotaur, half-man and half-bull, was the son of a pure white bull and the queen, Ariadne’s mother.  He was a monstrous creature who devoured innocent men and women, and so was imprisoned within a dark and twisting labyrinth far beneath the palace.

The hero Theseus arrived from Athens intent on destroying the monster.  For love of him, the princess Ariadne betrayed her father and family and promised the hero her help.  She gave Theseus a ball of red thread, and told him that if he would unwind it as he made his way through the labyrinth, he would then be able to follow the thread out again.

Did Theseus need the red thread?  Or was Ariadne’s gift one of hope and comfort?  A labyrinth, unlike a maze, is not always a place of dead-ends and twisting turns.  A labyrinth may be a direct, although curving, journey to the center of the self, a winding path that is nevertheless sure in its destination and in the return.  It is, in fact, a mirror of our own lives.  We can see ourselves as lost in a frightening maze, unsure of the terrors around the next corner.  Or we can see ourselves in a true labyrinth, in which we cannot see what lies ahead but know we will ultimately be led to the center of our souls, and back again.  The fact that we cannot see what is coming next is the gift of time.

We fear that, buried deep within our souls, far below the realm of our daily lives, there lives within us a beast, an unknown and unfaced aspect of ourselves that cannot be controlled.  But into the labyrinth we must go, as Theseus did, to face the part of ourselves that we would hide.

Whatever the Minotaur represents, and whether his home was a maze or a labyrinth, Theseus took Ariadne’s thread with him and was able to slay the beast.  On finding his way safely out, from darkness into the light, he stole away with Ariadne, sailing back towards Athens with the promise that he would make her his wife.

And then he left her, alone and sleeping, on the shore of a small island.  Some versions of the tale say he was unwillingly swept away in a storm, in grief over her loss; others that he had no care for her and abandoned her at the first opportunity.  And yet other versions claim that he was forced to leave by the God of Wine, Dionysus, who loved her and desired her for himself.

When Ariadne awoke, alone on the sandy beach, she thought herself abandoned and betrayed, whatever the reality might have been.  She had left her family, her home, her life, to sail away with a man who did not or could not love her as she loved him.  She did not realize that, whatever Theseus’ intent, a better future awaited her.  One in which she was the chosen, the beloved, of a god, brought into the heavens and made a goddess in her own right.  Her wedding crown, the Corona, was placed in the night sky as a constellation, as a tribute to the endless love between Dionysus and Ariadne.

Like Psyche, Ariadne could not have known what future awaited her; none of us can.  But it is usually better than we could ever hope or imagine.

Of Earth And Sky

A tree needs both roots and branches.  It cannot choose one over the other or it will die.  It must be forever of both earth and sky.  That is balance, harmony, union.  We must live the same way, never denying any part of ourselves.  Reach and rest.  Sleep and wake.  Fall and rise.  Sink into the earth and listen to the wind.  Be nourished and nourish others.

Do not hold back.  Do not save your brilliance, your wisdom, your joy.  Live now.  Be who you are now.  Do not wait.  Do not hesitate.  Stop holding so tightly to the very things you don’t want:  doubt of yourself and your path; fear of the future.  Let go, and let the world in.  You are love and loved, completely as you are.

The future tends to itself.  It has never before allowed you to usurp that role; it will not now.  Remember:  what you desire also desires you.

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